Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Parenting - By Ryan

Sometimes I don't know how to parent these little people that live at my house. I'm trying to be more patient with them, but it's so hard sometimes. Here's a sample of what I caught myself saying just the other day:

"Brandon, don't handcuff the baby to the piano!" [as one end of the plastic handcuffs were going around the baby's foot and the other end around the leg of the piano.]

"Brandon, sidewalk chalk does not go on the garage door or on the stucco"

"Ainsley, don't run across the carpet with your chalky, dirty feet."

And seriously, why do we make dinner anyway? Some days, I think we should just grate a big block of cheese and open a can of olives and let them go to town.

Here are some things I've learned while being a parent:

I've learned that once a child turns 7 years old, everything you say to that child will either be followed by the phrase "Why do I have to..." or "Why can't I..."

I've learned that a MegaBlaster super soaker holds an enormous amount of water, and that the volume of water seems exponentially greater when the super soaker finds its way into the kitchen.

I've learned that even though I have an MBA, I no longer know the difference between a vowel, a consonant, or a suffix, thus making me totally unqualified to help with second grade homework.

I've learned that if I don't handle the situation carefully, trying to help a child learn "Grammar Rule #9" can cause the whole family to melt down into total chaos.

I've learned that, while Moonsand sounds like a good idea at the time, it is actually a creation of the devil.

I've learned that you don't really want to know what happens to Moonsand when it gets wet.

I've learned to hate "Grammar Rule #9."

I've learned that an entire roll of paper towels is not sufficient to clean up all of the water from a MegaBlaster super soaker, mixed with moonsand. ("Bounty...the quicker-picker-upper"...my eye!)

I've learned that there are really bad consequences when a five-year old child eats an entire can of olives.

I've learned that there's nothing that can make a dad more proud than watching his child score their first goal, or ride a two-wheeler for the first time.

I've learned that nothing is better than when a child spontaneously puts their arms around your neck and hugs you and tells you they love you.

What have YOU learned? Post some things you have learned while being a parent in our 'comments' section below.


Meredith said...

I love that Ryan is a contributor - I have formally invited Steve to be a contributor - blogger sent him an email and everything...I have not heard back.

I have learned that just because 3 girls came from the same genetic pool it does not create the same kid 3 times. Have you met Caroline?!?

damagsmonkey said...

I just learned how funny Ryan is! LOL! You seem so quiet at first, who knew there's so much sarcasm hiding in there. What have I learned as a parent? I've learned one seemingly sweet little girl can totally trash the house in mere minutes. I've learned that you should not continually tell your daughter that the Simpsons movie is for bad grownups and then let her find your husbands Simpsons DVDs while moving. (ie "Daddy do you watch the bad movie?") And I have recently re-learned the aftermath of feeding a baby solid foods--not a pleasant smell!

damagsmonkey said...

ps What is Grammar Rule #9?

shay said...

I've learned that apparently I'm insane because I have six of those little people that you're talking about.

I've also learned that I'm a 'fatty pants' from my 3 year old, and that apparently I don't know anything either, according to my 9 year old. Must have missed that day of 4th grade 25 ish years ago.

I love this post! I've also learned that facetiousness and sarcasm is a parenting coping mechanism...and the blog is a great free therapy session.

Sims Family said...

Grammar rule number nine is the 1-1-1 rule, for those of you wondering. One syllable word, with one vowel and one consonant at the end doubles the consonant when adding a suffix.It's not hard, but you can see why Ryan hates it. ie tap becomes tapped or tapping. We didn't do spalding when we were kids. :)

I learned they should ask mom. She's good at those things. Wait until geometry, physics, and european history come, THEN ask dad.

Jobe said...

For some funny reason, when I read this post, I could hear Ryan's voice in my head. Am I crazy? Hahaha. Ryan, you're a great writer. Funny, sharp and sarcastic... just like I remember you!

As for what I have learned as a father... I've learned that you can fit two marbles up a kids nose if you really tried. I could go on, but you might report me to Child Protective Services.

Mel said...

I have learned:

When the kids are quiet, they are being naughty.

Hidden candy will always be found and fed to the baby.

Thanks for giving us a good laugh with this post.

damagsmonkey said...

Thanks for explaining the grammar rule! And yes, she really has had all those foods, and yes, the dr did yell at me for it today! I found the rice rusks at Walmart, they're basically a big wafer that dissolves immeadiately. Kiah loves them. The dr said they're okay occasionally (she actually looked at the ingredients and the 2nd one is sugar--who knew?). But I don't care what they say, there's no way I'm waiting 2 more months to give her food--she wants it now! (I have explained to Mike why giving babies dairy isn't a good idea though) :)

JACK's house said...

I've learned that despite the ups and downs of having kids, there is nothing more in this world that I would rather do. :)

Jodi said...

I totally can't even picture you not having patience, but .... it's been a while too! I love this post. I am so impressed. I'm going to have to do a lot of thinking, and see what I can come up with that I've "learned." Thanks for the inspiration!

joey said...

Hi Sims family? So, Arizona...when did that happen. You have a darling family, so grown up!

joey said...

Please excuse the question mark after Sims Family, it was meant to be a ! =)

Kelli said...

Hey guys! I'm glad we've gotten in touch. The kids are SO big since I've seen them last...Take care! When we get back there, I'll do pictures for you!