Chirp! Chirp!

So, we all know about that intermittent ear drum piercing chirping sound that smoke detectors make when the batteries die, right? You know, that noise that can slowly drive a person insane? (I've heard the army uses them to break down captured Iraqi insurgents...it forces them to tell their secrets every time.) Well, for the last two nights in a row we've had to deal with them. It's a big problem because our vaulted ceilings are like 40 feet high and our ladder is only 8 feet. Why do the batteries always die at night when I'm in my deepest sleep? My favorite part is trying to figure out which one it is. It sounds like it's in Brandon's room...wait...wait...chirp chirp...no, the hall...wait...wait...chirp chirp...no, definitely in the kitchen...wait...wait. What I conclude is that it's NONE of them...until the CHIRP CHIRP happens again. I know they are designed that way to motivate the homeowner to quickly get out a ladder and install a new $14 9-volt battery into them, ensuring safety and protection for the entire family. That's great in theory, but in practice, that noise actually motivates the homeowner to back over them in the driveway with his or her car. That, of course, is not recommended, as it wouldn't be safe, and would, in fact render your fire insurance policy null and void. I wonder what is more of a risk; me dying in a fire because I didn't have smoke detectors or me falling off a ladder and plunging to my death on the tile floor as I try to climb in a half-asleep delirious stupor at 2 am. I bet more people are killed trying to replace batteries in smoke detectors than die in actual fires. Ironically, when Whitney filled our house with more smoke than a Las Vegas casino a few weeks ago, not one of the darn things went off.